


And i lost that which is most precious.

by Gooferdusty



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Gen, Hurt Dean Winchester, Hurt No Comfort, Hurt Sam Winchester, M/M, Not Quite Gen, One Shot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-01-21
Updated: 2013-01-21
Packaged: 2017-11-26 09:14:20
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,097
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/648984
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Gooferdusty/pseuds/Gooferdusty
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>  This is something i wrote a while back. I had always wanted to explore the moment at the end of season 2 between when Sam dies and Bobby returns. This is my take on what happened and how Dean dealt with the Death of his brother. I suppose this is a deathfic, even though we know the out come. so i'll warn for it just incase. But if you have watched the end of season 2, you'll be ok with this.</p>
            </blockquote>





	And i lost that which is most precious.

**Author's Note:**

> Gen or Wincest. Depending on the strength of your slash goggles.

  
**Title: And i lost that which is most precious.**.  
 **Author:** gooferdusty   
 **Pairing/ Characters:** Sam, Dean. can be read as gen or slash depending on the strength of your slash goggles!  
 **Rating:** PG  
 **Warnings:** None really, apart from a little swearing, and maybe the need for tissues.  
 **Disclaimer:** Not making a penny profit, don't own the boys, no hurt intended, yadda, yadda, yadda.  
 **Summary:** This is something i wrote a while back. I had always wanted to explore the moment at the end of season 2 between when Sam dies and Bobby returns. This is my take on what happened and how Dean dealt with the Death of his brother. I suppose this is a deathfic, even though we know the out come. so i'll warn for it just incase. But if you have watched the end of season 2, you'll be ok with this.

 

 

“SAAAAMMM!”

In the dark of a faceless night, with the cold wet mud seeping through the knees of his jeans, the body in his arms grew heavy. And in that moment he knew, Dean knew....

His Sammy was gone.

There had been times in his life when Dean had been scared, when he hadn’t been sure what to do, but now as he looked down on the lifeless body of his little brother lying on the filthy mattress he knew what scared really was.

Sam had been his compass all his life, without him he was truly lost. He didn’t how to do this without his Sammy, wasn’t sure he wanted to.

Dean pushed himself off the door frame and covered the distance to where Sam lay. The room in the old wooden shack was tiny, dimly lit by an old oil lamp sitting on a chair in the corner. Dean sat down on the bed, trying to focus on his brother, heavy violent sobs searing the night air, ripping his fucking chest raw. In the dim glow from the lamp he could pretend his brother was just asleep. _’That’s right, Sammy’s only sleeping, he’ll be waking up soon, he’ll be needing me’_

Dean had spent more time in the company of death than any man of his age had a right to. He knew there was no big revelation, no great mystery to it. Whatever it was that made a person unique, call it a soul or whatever the hell it was, simply left. Leaving their loved ones behind with a shell, nothing more than a shadow of who that person used to be.

He reached across gently pushing a strand of hair from Sam’s face, trying to ignore the coolness of the skin beneath his fingers. Sammy’s beautiful face lay fixed, inanimate. Those soft hazel eyes which gave away every emotion Sammy was feeling, whether he wanted them to or not would never focus on him again. The little crinkle in his brow when he was concentrating, the pout that amused and annoyed Dean in equal measure were all gone.  
His smile, his beautiful Sammy smile. The one that hit against his dimples, warming Dean from the inside. That smile had pulled Dean through the darkness more times than he could remember. That smile WAS Sam, and now that too was lost. Now it was nothing more than a memory, present in only a few treasured photographs.

Dean Winchester didn’t believe in God, but Sammy had always had faith. Dean wasn’t so sure, but if God did exist, right now Dean hated him. With everything he had he hated him. Raising his head to the heavens Dean screamed, a raw broken sound ripping through the loud silence. He had lost his mother, his father, his home and along with it any chance of a normal life. And now he’d lost Sam too. And for what? So he could hunt evil? For who?, God? Where was Sam’s fucking God when his little brother needed him?

Dean clutched a handful of his brother’s hair, twisting the soft strands in his fingers. He leant over, resting his forehead against Sam’s, salt tears landing on unflinching eyes.

“Sammy”

Dean placed a kiss on the cold unresponsive lips, soft and gentle. Followed by another, then another, then another, until he was lying on the bed, pulling Sammy into him like he had done a thousand times before when Sam’s nightmares had struck. Arms wrapping tightly around Sam Dean felt the cold still weight of his brother. Taking hold of one of Sam’s arms he placed it across himself, willing it to tighten around him, it didn’t. It wouldn’t, ever again.

Dean kissed the top of Sam’s head where the faint smell of Sam’s girly shampoo, the one he teased him about still lingered.

“Ssshhh Sam, it’s just a nightmare, its ok, i got you Sammy, i got you.” “Remember when you were little? “I used to read you those lame ass fairy tales, god you loved those stupid things, remember Sammy?” “What was your favourite again?” “Pinocchio?” “Yeah that was it.”

Dean gave a weak half laugh amidst his sobs. “Figures, you always wanted to be a real boy!”  
Another kiss to Sam’s hair.

“What am i gonna do Sammy? Eh, what am i gonna do?” “I’m a big brother, it’s my job right? “Looking after you, it’s all i know how to do.” “What use is a big brother without his little brother hmm?

“Sammy please, please wake up.”

“I love you, i know i never said it enough, i should’a told you more often and for that I’m sorry.” “I’m sorry for everything Sam.” “For Mom, Dad, Jess, the crappy motels, the shitty diner food, our whole sorry life.” “You deserved so much more than you ever got Sammy.” Dean whispered, softly stroking his little brother's unruly hair.

“I remember the day Mom and Dad brought you home from the hospital, you were so tiny.” “Who knew you’d get so big...Sasquatch.”

At the mention of Dean’s nickname for a gangly teenage Sam, a fresh wave of pain filled sobs wracked his body.

“Please Sammy; please.......please don’t go where i can’t follow.” “What am i supposed to do Sam? “Please Sammy, tell me what to do.”

Sometime in the pain filled hours that followed Dean heard the familiar sound of the Impala’s engine as it rumbled along the dirt road towards the shack, eventually falling silent outside. The sound of the screen door banging shut was deafening in the peaceful cocoon of Sam’s cold embrace, shattering the silence and forcing Dean back into his painful and unwanted reality. Bobby was back.  


THE END.

  



End file.
